Is Lying a Positive Experience For Your Personal Growth?

The other day, I was in a conversation with a colleague. We were chatting about the regular day to day stuff, such as “how’s your family?” and “what’s the weather like?” until he asked me the question I most dread when people ask me. It was “What kind of music do you listen to?” Whenever I am asked that question, I am always faced with 2 choices.

Do I either lie and play it safe or do I take the road of honesty and tell him what I really listen to?

I chose to play it safe and replied “Oh, you know…the stuff they play on the radio. Mainstream Pop”. I shirked in mental embarrassment because I knew I had lied straight to his face. Piquing my curiosity, I asked him the same question of what kind of music he listens to. His reply was completely unexpected. “Well, I listen to dark, heavy metal.” “Oh..ok” was my reply.

I left that conversation thinking to myself ‘Why did I have to lie? What was it about the kind of music that I listen to that I couldn’t be honest and open about?’

This led me to think about other things that I wasn’t ready to be vulnerable with. It had me reflect on questions I asked myself regarding this situation. ‘Would I have been criticized?’ ‘Would he have looked at me strange and not knew this type of music I enjoyed?’ ‘Would he tell other people?’ ‘Would his opinion of me change if I was honest?’

Although this is a minor example in life, I wonder how many times in your life have you not been honest or shared something that increases your vulnerability?

We all tend to ‘play it safe’ because it’s what we’re familiar with. It’s what we know and are comfortable with. When we choose to step out of familiarity, it’s a foreign landscape littered with mental judgement and criticism.

In those moments where you felt you had to tell a lie; how did you feel afterwards? May I venture a guess and say you felt uncomfortable, icky, and perhaps a bit dirty? It’s when we jeopardize our integrity and who we are as a person, that ‘something doesn’t sit right’. When you experience these feelings, it’s a chance to go through a phase of personal growth, right then and there.

Ask yourself these trigger questions: “Why did I lie?” “What is the alternate outcome?” “Do I need to go back and tell the truth and be open?” “Do I need to apologize to someone?” When you ask yourself these questions, it shifts who you are and how you change from then on. Step into your true self and own it.

I changed after that conversation. I realized that for me to maintain my authenticity as a person, I need to embrace any sort of vulnerability, no matter how small or big it is. It may be uncomfortable and feel awkward and that’s ok. It’s the growth process and I’ve learned to embrace it.

If you must know, I prefer to listen to Christian Contemporary music. Similar to music that’s played on KLOVE. Now could you imagine what my colleagues’ face would be when I shared that I listen to Contemporary Christian music and he listens to dark, heavy metal. That’s PRICELESS!

Judy Skilling is a High Performance Coach and U.S. Navy Veteran. She loves to help military and veteran entrepreneurs achieve next level results in mindset, productivity, and wellness. You can find her at www.judyskilling.com.